Zenyalore Kisses

Sometimes I’d rather live in a drama than real life.

Especially when it feels like the blows keep coming, and the plot twists belong in a makjang mixed with a melodrama… written by an unhinged person riding a rollercoaster without a seatbelt.

The last six years have honestly been some of my most difficult.

• Several surgeries with long, grueling recoveries.
  
• A chronic autoimmune disease with no cure.
  
• Symptoms that mimic other autoimmune diseases.
  
• A bazillion tests with still no diagnosis for new symptoms.
  
• Medications that caused medically induced autoimmune diseases.
  
• Financial strain from medical expenses.
  
• Medical issues for loved ones.
  
• And heartbreakingly, struggles with the most wonderful best friend I’ve ever known.
  

It’s felt like I’m the final patient in a medical drama, the one with the unsolvable mystery disease, who nearly dies only to be saved at the last second by the hot doctor male lead… except, because it’s a makjang, I’m left paralyzed from the waist down for the rest of my life.

Living with a chronic disease can be so unbearably lonely. No matter how much your loved ones try to understand, empathize, and help, they can’t truly feel what it’s like. There have been some dark days… moments where I honestly wondered if I could survive the pain long enough to see another morning.

I have a beautiful support system, but they’re all “normal and healthy” people. And that gap is bigger than most realize.

The last two months have been especially heavy. Everything seemed to come to a head, and I knew I needed something – anything – to pull me out.

One step was starting this blog.
Honestly, Zenyalore Kisses has been the brightest light in my life since I launched it on July 1, 2025. It’s even helped me untangle this strange guilt I’d built up, the idea that binge-watching a drama while resting was “lazy” or “not allowed.” Now I know: resting is not a bad word.

And now, I’m starting something new, a support group at my church for people living with chronic illness, visible or invisible. We’ll meet weekly, and even though publicity has only been live for a week, I already have several people signed up.

Reading those emails, seeing the names of others who are also fighting daily battles with their health, has given me a new sense of purpose. I haven’t even held the first meeting yet, but already I feel the shift.

So maybe the next time I write in my drama diary, I can say that my life no longer feels like a chaotic makjang melodrama… but instead like a slice-of-life found family story.

💜 Loved this flail? There’s a whole archive of chaos waiting for you.